Doesn't play well with others.
I’m working on a show project for the Centennial Celebration of dear old Davis High School. I remembered about a song my mom used to sing with her friend about the school. By some kind of crazy miracle, I actually remembered where I had stashed the cassette tape a few decades ago.
And so, direct from a million year old cassette, I present:
Written by Craig Fisher
Recorded by Craig Fisher & Vickie Jessen
Sponsored (way back when) by the Kaysville Cultural & Performing Arts Council
Today marks the end of my 32nd year on this planet, and it marks the beginning of a new year of adventures.
I’m sitting here in my office, reflecting on what wisdom I might pass on to the world as a wise elder of the community, and I’m drawing a big fat blank.
I’d love to claim credit for getting this far into life… but I’m afraid all the praise belongs to those wonderful folks who have surrounded me and prevented me from screwing things up too much.
My Mom & Dad, my sisters and my friends got me started off well and made sure I wasn’t a loafer. My teachers, coaches, advisors and mentors who taught me about the big wide world. My wonderful wife and son who make every day worth giving my all, and keep me excited for what’s to come. All those folks deserve the thanks for this life I enjoy.
It’s true that I don’t have much wisdom to impart, but I’m going to take year number 33 (and any more that I’m fortunate enough to have) and do the best with it that I can. New experiences, new joys, new hurt, new fears, new confidence, new failures and new successes… I’ll take them all happily and add more to my story.
Thanks for being with me. Thanks for helping me make this life. I like it, and I’m happy to have you along with me.
About a month ago, at the very top of the new year, I posted a thank-you note on Facebook. It popped into my brain again today, and I realized there are many people who I owe so much thanks that wouldn’t see it on Facebook.
So, here ‘goes. It went a little something like this:
Today, for the first time in a very long time, I’ve had quiet solitude that came with a sense of inner peace.
2012 was a year of such ridiculous loss, I can’t even comprehend how we kept going. Every single month, at least two loved ones passed away. Some months saw more. Friends, coworkers, relatives, mentors, siblings and tiny babies. Written out like that, it’s just completely unreal.
Through all of it, I didn’t realize how much I counted on my extended network to give me a boost when I was in darker places than I care to admit. My eyes are open today… and so I look at you, dear friend on (the internet).
Thank you so very much for every single message, post or extra moment of thought you gave me and my family through hard times. I’m humbled to my core by every bit of it.
Some of you I’ve met in real life, some I haven’t. Some of you I have let down or annoyed, but you showed love. For the most part, I’ve given you no reason at all to help me, but you did. You are amazing.
If you think I’m not talking to you, you’re wrong. You have transformed my life. I am a better person for having you in it, even distantly.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
Since I appreciate my Twitter friends, and all 4 of you who read this blog just as much as those who saw it on Facebook, I just thought it was important to re-post here.
Thank you so very very much for helping my little family through 2012. We just couldn’t have done it without you.
Here’s a look at what I’ve been doing for the last few months. We had about 100 Dancers and 1300 “Casted Fans” on the field this year.
I think it came together pretty well. What did you think?
My grandpa passed away tonight. He went quietly, peacefully and without pain. I’m sad, and I will miss him.
I’d love to tell you all about him but, thankfully, I can let him tell the story. Trust me when I say he could spin a yarn like nobody else on earth. I’m happy to have heard so many.
A few years ago, I told him I wanted to record some of his stories. He assured me that he just wouldn’t know what to say. I got him into the booth, tested the mic a bit, then started rolling. Without a single prompting from me, he told story after story for a little over two hours. It was magical for me.
Here’s what came of it.
I was watching a TED talk by Ze Frank about his various projects full of wonderfulness. He told the story of his Chillout song.
I knew all about this project long ago, and I’ve heard it before… but this time it sounded different. I can’t say exactly how, but I have new ears. It’s all much more powerful. Much more meaningful.
Ze told the story of how this project came about, and how he put all the pieces together. He closed by letting the song play in it’s entirety.
It started and my heart warmed. It rolled a bit more and my emotions started welling up… and at the 31 second mark I just totally lost it. Standing alone in my kitchen, half a cheese sandwich in hand, I balled my big baby brown eyes out. A big sloppy cry that would make Oprah blush. I could feel every emotion and moment of my life weighing on me, and it just came out.
There has been so much loss, so much hurt, and so much worry. It’s just so heavy.
Hey.
That little flicker of a heart beat went out. Why?
I’m devastated that our little peanut didn’t get to join us in life, but more so that my poor Janey has been so smothered by the loss. If only I could do the hurting instead of her. There’s already enough for her to worry about. Why this?
My efforts are feeble. Just shots in the dark hoping something will help. What kind of a man can’t bring comfort to his wife?
It’s just so heavy.
You’re OK.
My sister Jackie is gone. Just gone, and I miss her so much. I wish there was some way for her to know how much I love her. For me to tell her again. To just make absolutely sure she knows.
I want to scoop up her kids and make sure they know how much their mom loved them. To make sure they feel the warmth and love I know she would want them to feel. But somehow I can’t keep my own life together enough to offer help.
It’s all just so heavy.
You’ll be fine.
Everybody likes to say that “each day it will get easier”. Well, what the hell man? When does that start? I’m dealing with it. I’m doing my best to make it work, but it sure as hell hasn’t gotten any easier. I’m tired. I’m just so tired of trying to make it work.
It’s all just so damned heavy.
Just breathe.
To cap it off, I’m ashamed to have all these feelings. Sure, this stuff is hard to deal with, but it isn’t the hardest thing a person has handled. It seems silly for me to have such a hard time making things work when people, the world over, make better decisions in much worse situations.
A few years ago it wasn’t hard to get me to spout my mantra “Life’s just not that serious”. Somewhere deep down, maybe deeper than I’d like to admit, I know that’s still true. But even so, life sure does feel heavy sometimes.
So, here it is. I’m breathing, Ze, I’m breathing. I’ve had a good reality check tonight, and a big sloppy embarrassing cry right there in the middle of the kitchen. And after the cry…. just breathing. Quiet contemplative breathing.
A moment to myself to readjust. To simplify. To make sure I have my feet under me.
Tomorrow will be better.
Hey, you’re OK. You’ll be fine. Just breathe.
I’d be willing to bet that most people in Utah have no idea that we have our very own, honest-to-goodness genuine Pantages Theater sitting in ruins here in Salt Lake City. If that name means nothing to you, I’d encourage you to go read up a bit on the master impresario, exhibitor, vaudeville and film producer Alexander Pantages. Crazy, right? Why is this place not a cultural anchor for the downtown area?
It’s not like information about the theater is hard to come by. There’s a solid rundown of it’s timline over on UtahTheaters.info. Even though this gem has been decaying under our noses since 1920, people pass by it every day having no idea it even exists.
Here’s a quick set of photos showing construction of the facade in 1919, then the finished entrance in 1920 and finally, what it looks like today.
I learned of the Utah, formerly the Orpheum, formerly the Pantages Theater about 4 years ago. I truly don’t remember how I found out about it… I think I was trolling the historical society website and saw a blurb about it. I did some searching and found a bunch of great old photos the Utah Historical Society makes available on their website. I became, as I do, totally enthralled and mildly obsessed about the story, the history and the possibilities around this beautiful movie palace. I spoke to some folks who knew about the current state of things, and I dug a bit for the rest of the story on it. I even spoke to the (then) owner who informed me he was looking for offers on it. He didn’t want to destroy it, but it was just not commercially feasible for him to take on the restoration estimated at $45 Million.
So I daydreamed about this place between real life, business and everything else. Slowly it drifted to the back of my consciousness. That is until last year or so when I saw a news report of a few groups rallying, and trying to make this the site of the new Utah Performing Arts Center. That didn’t work out, for a lot of reasons, but my fire was lit once again on the subject. Life took me a totally different direction though, so I had to let it go. Thankfully, the Redevelopment Agency of Salt Lake bought the building and saved it from the wrecking ball. It’s now just sitting until someone comes along that can make something good happen with it.
Fast forward to last week. I ran across a little note on the Utah Historical Society website that tours of the Utah Theater would be offered. As luck would have it, the last one was happening on Saturday! My little family trucked down to SLC to give the old girl a look.
Here’s a quick then and now comparison of the main auditorium. You can see where the floor was put in at the balcony level splitting the auditorium in two (piggybacking).
She’s in really rough shape… but her beauty shines through.
They sure don’t make them like the used to.
I’ve tried to set these together in before/after style. Sorry for the bad modern photos, I only took my phone with me on the tour.
So… I’m scheming on how I can contribute to bringing this beautiful theater back to life for a modern audience. Who’s with me?
Historic photos courtesy of Utah State Historical Society
My parents have strong, and wildly differing, political opinions. Mom is a democrat like Grandpa, and Dad a staunch republican. By the time I was old enough to understand words, the battle lines had long-since been drawn and everybody knew it was an area of topics to avoid. On the rare occasions someone did light the fuse of political conversation, the resulting powder keg would explode in a wonderfully terrible exchange that usually ended in my parents being in a foul mood and getting quickly annoyed with the kids. We eventually had a dinnertime rule that no politics were allowed at the table. No way, no how. So, I avoided politics as a young’un.
Fast forward a bit to my late teens. I was full of opinions on every subject under the sun, and I would spout them off to anyone who dared to challenge me. Still though, politics didn’t hold my interest. I’m sure, given the chance, I would have loved to berate someone for not agreeing with my un-informed but passionate opinion, but the circles I ran with weren’t into politics either… so it didn’t come up. With the “no politics” rule still in effect at home, it was simply left off my radar.
Fast forward again to my mid twenties. I was slightly more mature and able to keep a lid on my vast collection of moderately informed opinions. I was extremely interested and opinionated about social & political issues, but had no knowledge or interest in the actual process by which they are addressed. I rarely, if ever, approached a conversation about such things though, because I was living and working in a state and an industry where the vast majority of people strongly disagreed with my leanings. So I kept things bottled up for the most part and life went on.
So looking back on the last 10-15 years of my life, I can count the number of “political” conversations I engaged in on one hand.
About two weeks ago I was running some errands and stewing about some work stress. I decided to flip on the radio to give my brain something new to process. After some seeking and fumbling, I landed on a political talk program. I don’t remember who was talking, or the specifics of what was said, but I returned home absolutely incensed by the ridiculous ramblings I heard. The main theme was basically “the other team is stupid, and they only want to ruin America”. Now, I know this is no different than what is said every day on every political program in the universe, and I should just expect it… but something just switched inside my head on this particular day. The childish bickering over who was more right between two parties who basically act the same no matter what their talking points are just sent me over the edge. I became irate.
I pulled into my driveway muttering obscenities and ready to spit nails. I stomped into my office preparing to have a big debate, or write a very strongly worded letter or just… just scream at my computer screen. Then I stopped, looked around a bit, and realized I had absolutely nowhere to direct this new-found political energy. Needing some kind of outlet, I decided I’d stop sticking my head in the sand and learn about what was annoying me.
I started reading, and watching, and asking. Anything and anyone who would help. I’m diving into current policies and historical causes. I’m researching the people who represent me, and the people who make up the party they serve (yeah, you read that right). I even got annoyed enough to show up to the state capitol one early morning for a Senate Committee Meeting on the current redistricting happening here in Utah.
So here we are friends. I’m a 30 year old man who is suddenly, but whole heartedly interested and ready to get personally involved in the political process. I don’t know how long it will last, or just how involved I will get. But I think things are broken, and I’m not about to whine about it if I’m not willing to step up and be a force to fix it.
I’m sure there will be more to come on the subject, so stay tuned.
I need to document this quote, and since it’s more than 140 characters… I’m doing it here.
It just struck me.
As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.
Henry David Thoreau
Last week I followed a conversation between two of my friends on twitter. It went something like this…
(So I changed it a bit… but the idea is the same. The actual tweets are here.)
I chatted with Henry a few days later and it sounded fun, so that night I made this: Instaparks.com
The whole thing took about an hour to make. I actually spent more time setting up a server to deploy it than I did building the app itself. That speedy turn around is completely thanks to the great work Henry did setting up the feeds. He’s doing all the hard work pulling the pics that get posted to Instagram from inside the Disney parks. I just made a little app that finds the image links out of those tweets and arranges them on a page that you can zooooomify.
I hope you dig it.