I’m posting today… with no real intent at all. I find writing content for this little blog very therapeutic though, and that is sort of what I need right now.
Normally I’m just a positive care free kind of fellow. Things roll off and I don’t take life to seriously. I certainly try not to take myself to seriously. And it all normally adds up to pleasant days just content with life, love, and lemons.
(for the record, I’m not really a fan of lemons, it was just that or lettuce that would make a rhyme and lemons is certainly the lesser of those evils)
Today, however, seems to be something different. I’m in a bit of a funk[see #3] and I am having a hard time pulling out of it. This state of being is thankfully much less common then it used to be in my life. If I remember correctly I spent the entire year of 2000 in funkish blur. Of course if I really think hard about it, I know that a years worth of the blues is and infinitely deeper seated problem then what I am having now.
So lets think hard about what got me into this… There are some things going wrong. There are some things that worry me. There are other things that I fear may go wrong soon.
The things that are going wrong are not terribly significant. They are mostly littleish annoyances stemming from some of the side projects I’m doing. (these are usually web design and IT Consulting projects I take on in addition to my normal work-day) There are circumstances that lie both within my control and well beyond my grasp contributing to the problem. Somewhere inside though I feel as if I could have prevented the problems entirely a month or so ago. I guess there is always a chance to look back with perfect hindsight and critique mistakes, but does it really get you anywhere. I’m much more a fan of just learning, and not making them again. But every once in a while I get stuck thinking “oh, if only I had…”
The things that worry me mostly live in the financial world. As much as I love what I do, the company that I have chosen to do it for has a reputation of paying under the industry standard. Granted, when the entire compensation package is taken into account (benefits, perks, discounts, etc…) the numbers look quite good. But I can’t pay the bills with my health insurance card. I don’t want to make this part sound worse then it is though. I’m living fine, and those who have seen me in the last 6 months know that I certainly haven’t been missing any meals. I just think some years down the road… sometimes only months… and wonder how things are all going to shape up. Like everyone I have obligations and desires. Sometimes it’s a thin tightrope to walk if you try to satisfy both.
In recent days I have been worrying about some things that have shown signs of going wrong in the near future. This is something I can’t really speak to with any specificity, it’s just a general anxiety.
I know all of this just lives in today. And it won’t be long before I’m back on top of my game. It’s just a gripe… you know? This funk is a pain-in-the-neck and it’s time is done. So… be gone funk and let me smile.
Thanks for reading
R.