I’ve spent the better part of the last week sort of in mental state of hibernation. I’ve been working, then going home. Then back to work and so on. It’s sort of been an uncomfortable blind routine. It hasn’t been to the point of what I define as a ‘rut’, but a slump for sure. It’s not something that happens to me very often. It seems to come when I’m not working hard enough.
I’ve had no events since our Christmas trip, so life sort of feels dull… that might be the start of it. But I do have events coming up so my mind has a place it could go. There’s some neat creative things to keep me busy, but not a lot. They are big events, but nothing that I would consider terribly flashy or difficult to produce. I’m guessing that when I’m back into my routine of back-to-back gigs I’ll feel a little more at home.
The hardest part about this little slump has been the timing, or rather the coincidental timing of the same sort of slump (though I can’t speak for her) in Janey’s life. Usually when one of us hits an obstacle, the other is quite good at becoming the support system to make it through. Some times that works better then others, but overall it’s been a great deal. Neither of us have immediate family close, so we are really each other’s family down here in CA. Anyway, it just usually seems like when there’s a bit of a down time in one of our lives, the other is there with a supporting hand. It’s really nice. But what happens when both supporters need help at once? Tension.
Here is my theory…
Both have the desire to help AND be helped at the same time. The rub is that when you’re speaking about matters of emotion and mental state, a person who is seeking any sort of a crutch can’t be expected to be a solid support for someone with the same problem. If there was ever a time for the phrase “blind leading the blind” that would be it!
Now reigning this all into real life, how does this pertain to me? It’s all about how life is feeling. You know when things just feel off/disconnected/strange but you can’t explain exactly why? I know most people feel it. It’s when there is a thousand symptoms of life problems on the tip of your brain ready to be unleashed on the next person to ask how your doing, but none of them seem to be the real root of what’s bugging you. If you fixed any one of them all the others would still exist, and in most cases more would pop up. Well folks, the reality is that when this happens there is almost always one root cause for the entire mess. There is one doosie of a something that is lodging itself somewhere up in that noggin of yours, and it’s just spending it’s time pissing everyone around it off.
When life feels good it’s hard to imagine anything could bring you down. And if you forced yourself to think about it you’d be sure that you could handle it. I know that’s how I think. When life feels good I’m quite certain that my level head would win out in a game against my emotions. But when push comes to shove the logical brain heads for the back seat to buckle up and there can be some nasty business ahead. Don’t get me wrong… I wouldn’t say that I’m ruled by my emotions. I would, however, say that my logical side loosens the leash a bit.
In the end I think it comes down to self. Even if you have a good crutch. Even if there are people around you that would love to take your burdens. Even though you’d like to let them bear your burdens… it all comes down to self. If you can’t do the hard work and get out of that rut yourself, you can’t hope to be a good supporter of someone else.
So what’s the point of all this? Nothing. It’s my blog and I’ll write what I want. I don’t have a solution, I just have love. I’m happy with my life an the people in it. I want them to be happy have the same love for me. Now I’m getting out of my rut to go give my girlfriend a kiss. (and maybe some flowers)
