Awesome! It didn’t take long to add to yesterday’s little story. I got a reply this morning, and at 6:21 AM no less. He must have been pretty fired up about all this. Check it out:

LOL! Dude your funny. Janey said she didn’t send the message. I jumped to conclusion and I apologize. I was just stressing at the moment. I don’t know who wrote the message. But Like I said, only janey knows about me and my cousin. Well besides my cousin. But I don’t think she will want anybody to know that. Did you know a little secret about janey and her cousin paola. why don’t you ask her. When you want to make fun of my past, lets talk about janeys past. Of course she’ll deny anything. And I’m not trying to mess things up between you guys. You guys seem like a nice couple. I saw all your pictures on findmimi.com. I’m really happy she found someone to love her. Cause at one point in my life I loved her very much. I prayed to God that she would find someone special and for her to be happy. And she did. Did you know I was with her when she got the job at disneyland. I was so happy for her. I prayed and prayed the night before the auditions. The first time she didn’t get it. But they offered her a 2nd audition. She didn’t want to do it cause she was discouraged the 1st time. But I told her go for it. I’ll pray double this time and you’ll get it. And guess what, the rest is history. A week later she left me. LOL! I was a terrible boyfriend. She was a terrible girlfriend. But I loved her anyhow. almost 2 years we were together. I’ll never forget her. Just keep her happy and always be there for her like you have been. You seem like a cool guy. I love disneyland. 6 year annual pass holder. I miss fantasmic. you should know my cousin, works in alladin. she used to work at abc bistro before they closed it down.
Anyway bro sorry for the mix up. I didn’t mean to cause any problems between you and your lady. I’m sure it didn’t faze you guys at all. You seem to have a strong love for each other. Please forgive my intrusion in your guy’s life.
I’m just trying to figure out who wrote that damn email.

Sincerely,
Fabian.

Now I don’t want to go too far in deconstructing this little gem, but I at least want to point out a few fun things.

First he laughs out loud (“LOL!”). This I imagine is to show me how affable he is. After the chuckle he throws a pseudo-compliment my way. (“Dude your funny”) At this point I’m sure he’s feeling like we’re old pals, but the pleasantries are over… it’s time to get down to business.

The next passage has got to be nominated for the bi-polar hall of fame:

I jumped to conclusion and I apologize. I was just stressing at the moment. I don’t know who wrote the message. But Like I said, only janey knows about me and my cousin. Well besides my cousin. But I don’t think she will want anybody to know that. Did you know a little secret about janey and her cousin paola. why don’t you ask her. When you want to make fun of my past, lets talk about janeys past. Of course she’ll deny anything. And I’m not trying to mess things up between you guys. You guys seem like a nice couple. I saw all your pictures on findmimi.com. I’m really happy she found someone to love her. Cause at one point in my life I loved her very much. I prayed to God that she would find someone special and for her to be happy. And she did.

Holy crap my head is going to explode. Here is what I read, try to match your list up with mine (in chronological order):

• An apology
• His distressed mental state
• A quick note about his ignorance
• His apparent embarrassment about whatever he did with his cousin, and his desire to keep it quiet
• A backhanded dig at my girlfriend
• Defensiveness about the stranger making fun of him (me)
• A subtle hint that he would like to mess things up between Janey and I
• A compliment about how nice we look
• An earnest plea for divine intervention in his
  ex-girlfriends life.

It seems that once again Pianodude has mistakenly gotten the impression that I give a damn about anything related to him or his relationships. It may come as a hard realization, but I don’t.

That’s really as far as I want to take this little game. I hope the next time he’s tempted to write me a note, he will remember that he is nothing more then that little bug that bothers me for a few minutes while I’m mowing the lawn. It’s gone with a wave of my hand, and I never think about it again.

Pianodude,
If you ever read this, I encourage you to go out and try to find yourself someone (preferably not blood related) to share the wonderful things in life. Do your best to form a bond that can’t be broken by a note from some anonymous MySpacer. If you do something your embarrassed about, own it, don’t hide it. If someone else knows about it, they get to do with that information what they please. You, unfortunately, don’t get any input in the matter.

So go find your special someone. I have, and it’s a great thing. Janey is fantastic, and you should feel like an absolute tool for being anything but wonderful to her.

So once again, stay strong Señor Pianodude. You’ll find your someone.

So something funny happened tonight. I’m not sure how to explain it… so I’ll just start typing and hope it all makes sense.

Before I really start the story I have to reveal something that is quite embarrassing. It’s something I try not to tell many people, and those who do know have only found out despite my best efforts to hide it. What is this little secret you ask? It’s simply that I do have an active account on a nasty little website called MySpace.

Before jumping to conclusions please understand that anytime I do direct my browser to said site I immediately take a piping hot shower to scald off the stench. If you don’t know what MySpace is, then please skip past this paragraph, and be happy that you have no clue. I am not going to even explain how myspace works in fear of sparking your interest. To use the catch-phrase of the year; myspace is a “social networking site”.

I heard it best described this way:
“If the internet was a bar, then Myspace.com would be the bathroom wall!”

All you really need to know is that MySpace is a website that allows people to send messages to one another.

With that out of the way… let me get to the story of tonight.

I was just minding my own business, surfing around the super high technofangled inter-web. I was reading my news, and returning a bit of email when my wonderful girlfriend said something to the effect of “have you checked your MySpace in a while”?

I, of course, cringed and said “no”.

She then said to me with mild trepidation “…you should check it”.

She spent a short time explaining what had happened/not happened, and what could possibly be waiting for me should I decide to log into MySpace. After her explanation I just couldn’t resist the temptation.

Once logging in I found a message waiting for me in bold red letters “You have a new message!”. A quick click to the inbox presents me with a subject line that nearly made my Diet Coke explode through my nasal cavity. Are you ready for this?!?

“This is what your girlfriend sent to my girlfriend.”

I was instantly thrown back to third grade when boys would often tout the strength of dads or big brothers to get them out of sticky situations. Anyway… moving on with the actual message:

From: Pianodude
Date: Feb 26, 2006 8:28 PM

(click on the link below then look at the comments, and pay close attention to the dates. Did you know he was engaged, and cheating? And one other thing, before considering this guy as a potential ‘mate’ ask him what kind of relationship he’s had with his cousin… just thought i’d help before he breaks your heart. Take it for what it is or don’t.)

My girlfriend broke up with me. Thanks be to Janey!
Why would after all these years janey would do something like this to me?

I don’t understand.

To those who haven’t connected the dots yet, this message was from Janey’s former boyfriend. He is under the impression that Janey sent this message to his, now former, girlfriend via MySpace. He’s also under the impression that I give a damn.

Now I’m not one to let such a heartfelt message go un-answered. I promptly replied with the following (of course keeping with the standard of grammatical excellence set by the original sender):

Hey Man,
Sorry to hear your Gf broke up with you. I don’t know why would after all these years janey do any sort of bad to you. Who are you?

I don’t understand either.

If I had to guess, I’d say this was the killer line:
“Did you know he was engaged, and cheating?”
Most girls would call it quits after that.

If your lonely you could always check this out [ http://kissingcousins.bardsofulysses.co.uk/ ] . This particular group is based in the UK, but I’m sure they could hook you up with a support group or something closer to home.

Your pal,
R.

I haven’t formed any conclusions about the human race after tonights events. It was just something that happened that made me laugh. If Señor Pianodude decided to send a reply, I will be sure to post it here.

So Janey and I just returned to my apartment after a wonderfully fun adventure.

The story all starts with Janey spending last night feeling quite ill. While that in and of itself is not so wonderfully fun it does set the stage for a post work trip to the doctors office. To make a long story quite short I will put it in a few bullet points:

• Janey gets super stressed and hypochondriatic when she visits a doctors office. She is quite sure, even now, that the red splochies on her face are the result of contracting a distant strain of the black death.
• I still find it wildly funny when someone is handed a little plastic cup to fill. When I see the transaction taking place I immediately digress to elementary school and can hardly contain a smirk and chortle. I really have no idea what groomed the chord that this strikes with me… but it does hit me at the core. I’m actually grinning while I type this!
• Karma is a B**CH (I’ll explain this next)

So as you can imagine I did give Janey a hard time about having to have blood taken, and work with that little plastic cup. Little did I know that the masters of the universe were planning their revenge.

On the way home we planned a little stop at a 7-11 or similar convenience store to get her some lip balm and me a good sized beverage. It’s been the sort of day that I want to reward myself with a good half-gallon of diet coke. (really… did you know that those 64oz. cups are a half-gallon of liquid!?! nuts!) So we reached the establishment with Habib and Akbar behind the counter waiting to ring me up. All went well with the transaction, and we were off to the car to head home.

As Janey and I were completing our vehicle entry ritual of a quick kiss before I close her door, I stood up and accidentally hit the top edge of my beverage bucket on the car door. If you can picture the shape of a 7-11 64oz. cup you’ll realize how top heavy it is. Well nature (read: gravity) was working against me and in one very slow motion moment I watched the container flip as it fell to the ground. The lid came off and all 0.5 gallons of brown nutri-sweet sweetened goodness found its way onto, and into, my right shoe. I couldn’t help but join in Janey’s laughter when I turned around to see the mini river my diet coke had made out to the middle of the parking lot.

so the moral of the story?

You reap what you sow… so be nice dammit!

So I came home from work today feeling a little blue. I have been traveling a very long road to a difficult event with an incredibly difficult client. It all came to a head on Monday (event day) when I had nothing but praise from the event guests, and nothing but very nasty complaints from the actual client. It was a super high pressure situation that really pulled my emotions out from the little storage box they normally stay in when I’m in my event ‘zone’.

So it’s the clean up period after this event and my stomach is still tied in little knots. I really needed some kind of release. I was surfing around online and decided a movie was the ticket. Just something to take me out of my reality for a few hours.

In reading some reviews on Movies.com I found that one I had never heard of was on the top of the critics picks. I ran it by Janey… but I think she just wanted me to make the decision. And so we were off to the theater!

We saw a wonderful little movie called ‘Kiss Kiss Bang Bang‘ that did exactly what I needed it to. It’s a very dark movie with too much foul language, several murders, major suspense, clever mystery, more plot twists then you can shake a stick at, and the thickest most wonderfully written script that I’ve seen in ages. It was like one big brick wall of dialog that was constantly flowing at you, and if you were quick enough to catch it all you’d be rolling in the isles with laughter. Did I mention multiple corpses, severed finger, a hungry dog, a body (or two) in the trunk, mean bad guys, false trails, etc etc?

This movie is absolutely not to be seen by kids or people who can’t handle ample amounts of violence. But if your up for that sort of thing, and could use a good laugh while watching the underdog win… go see this movie.